It's been a while since we've posted anything. Not because we didn't have anything to say, mainly because our lives are so fast and furious we seldom have time.
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately and one thing that really astounds me is why some people look for confrontation. I'm not one that likes confrontation, ask Brett, it's probably something I need to work on. I avoid it at all costs. But it just seems like some people aren't happy, unless they are unhappy. Do you know what I mean? Every situation is magnified. Instead of looking at the positive side, or even giving people the benefit of doubt, it's always assumed you are doing something to them. I don't understand that. Maybe it is an insecurity, or maybe it is just the way they were raised. Whatever the reason, I feel like life is too short to live unhappy all the time. Maybe that comes with age and dealing with those circumstances throughout life. You finally begin to realize how small, in the scheme of things, those things really are. I'm not saying I never blow anything out of proportion, we're all human. But I do think age and life experiences help us understand how to handle those situations when they happen.
It's unfortunate that we have to spend our 20's and sometimes 30's finding out the "hard" way. Wouldn't it be nice to be born with the knowledge to deal with problems or know how to handle conflict? But then again, how boring if we were all just alike. That's why they invented asprin. :)
~Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win~
Thursday, April 03, 2008
Life lessons
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5 comments:
Kelly,
Good post. I also just read Melody's. Good combo.
I so agree with you and might add that some people never learn, no matter how old they are. I think I've learned, but I do slip. Observing you, I know you've learned this. You consistently seem to see good in any situation. I really appreciate that about you.
Family members and friends who are negative and confrontational are not my favorite people to hang out with, but sometimes duty calls.
I had an experience just recently where I was with that type of person in a public place. For the first time I was able to stay in the conversation and be gently conversant and stay present in the face of some pretty abrupt, loud, embarrassing verbiage. I was surprised and yet proud of myself. At my age I thought I had learned a new lesson. I can do this! Yeah. (See? You can teach old dogs new tricks.)
Anyway...I so agree with you. Life's too short to engage in this type of interaction. It's not for me. I'd much rather be positive, laugh, and enjoy life. Thanks for reminding me.
MB
Thank you for your comments and kind words. This past week has been unusually tough with conflict coming at us from all sides. It is so good to have Brett to lean on. He is so good at supporting me and giving good advice. I will say, there is a happy medium. I totally avoid conflict at times - which I'm not sure is healthy. Brett has a way of talking me through it.
Thanks again.
Love you guys!
KB
Kelly,
That "kind of person in a public place" incident Mary was talking about..I was there. She's right. She did well. I didn't. It wasn't between her and me at all, I was present though. I found out I've still got some ways to go. But what you've said IS the way that I want to be on. Good stuff. Keep it up.
Paul
Man, that's tough. Especially in a public setting. At least ours (what I'm referencing) has been through email. The good thing is, we have spouses to lean on and talk us through it. I'm not sure why I let it bother me so much, but I don't like for people to accuse me of things, or pretend I/we are purposefully doing something to them when our intentions are good. Brett always reassures me that it doesn't really matter what "they" think, as long as we know we are doing right. Brett and your "entire" family have helped me understand you can't control other people's actions - only your own. And for that, THANK YOU. It has really helped my sanity :)
KB
I so agree with the fact that it's unfortunate that we spend our 20's and our 30's (I did at least) learning the hard way. I'm half way through my 40's now, and I realize I've still got a lot to learn--mostly about grace-ful relationships as opposed to curse-ful relationships! As much as I talk about grace, I'm not sure I relate to my family (Tony and my kids) with grace as much as I think I do.
I picked up Jeff VanVonderen's book "Families Where Grace Is In Place" which I read several years ago, and it's reminding me what graceful relationships are all about. It's truly how I want to live, but I fall short many, many times. I'm glad that God's full of grace and doesn't treat me like I treat other people sometimes! :)
Thanks for the post, it does remind me that "life is too short to live unhappy all the time." For some of us that tend to see the negative side of things, it really comes down to a discipline I think. I have to exercise my "happy" muscles intentionally for them to get stronger. :)
ML
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