For the past 23 days, I've spent a lot of time figuring out what it is I want to do with my life, and honestly, who I am. I was extremely excited about the chance to stay home and spend more time with my family. After a couple of weeks, I started to realize I put a lot of my worth in what I do, instead of who I am. That's a weird feeling...to wake up every day and go into an office...an office full of people, and friends. I used to spend a lot of time talking and laughing (probably more than I should:), but it was good. I love where I am in my life. I feel closer to my husband than I ever have, and I spend good, quality time with our children. But there is still something tugging at me. Something that makes me feel like I'm not pulling my weight, or living up to my potential. I found myself being sad at times...then I go through the guilt of being sad because I am so thankful to have this opportunity.
THANK GOODNESS for my husband! He helps keep me grounded and loves me through it. He is so good at helping me understand that life isn't over...maybe I just took a break. We are still working our business from the house, but it's not the same. I'm a very driven person that is self motivated. I don't like waiting on others to tell me what to do. I feel that is what I have to do right now until I learn this industry a little better. Time...it just takes time. Which is another thing I'm not the best at, patience.
One thing I am doing is reading a lot more. I just read a great book, The Glass Castle. I would recommend it to anyone. It's kind of a tough read (true story), but it's good.
This change is going to be good for me. If nothing else, it will help me find myself, and hopefully help me understand my place in life. I do know this...the one thing my husband has helped me to learn is that I can't do any of it by myself. Only God can control those things/situations. It's up to me to let him.
~Let loose of what you can't control. Serenity will be yours~
Monday, February 25, 2008
Finding Yourself
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6 comments:
Kelly,
It sounds like you're a person of action and this change is providing time to think and reflect. I think we all struggle with getting our identity from what we do more than who we are. I've heard before that we think of ourselves as human doings more than human beings.
I think it's a needed journey to go on and it sounds like you're handling it well! Good luck!!
Love ya
ML
Mama,
You are too kind , but flattery goes a long way with me! :)
I cannot wait to see what God is going to do "to and for" you. But I will enjoy the journey with you as well!
Salt Lake City is a lonely place without you!
Can't wait to see you.
BRB
Oh...you are so sweet. I didn't realize you ever read this blog :)
This is a journey I'm looking forward to. I'm not sure I've ever stopped to smell the roses. This time, I'm going to enjoy every second along the way...with you.
Melody, thank you. I love reading your posts and your comments. You are such a good writer and very grounded. You say it, and it makes so much sense...why didn't I think of that?? :)
Let's get together soon.
KB
Kelly,
When I read what you have to say, what Brett writes, even comments like Melodys', I'm reminded again that life is not a destination but a journey. It isn't getting there it's enjoying and learning while on the way. You guys are great pictures of that truth. I'm sure liking what I hear from all of you.
Kelly,
I cannot imagine what it feels like to change so radically as you have. I think if we were all honest, we would say that we are what we do in life (Hey I'm Alex and I work at...or I went to X school)...it's unfortunate that we do that, but it's true. For you to be thrust out of that "comfort" so suddenly and now be in a world of quite reflection, I cannot imagine the emotions and thoughts that must be going through your mind. Kuddos to you for recognizing what's happening and allowing God to work in you. While you may have times you doubt your decisions, never forget that God is the true decision maker and he is molding you daily. When it seems hard, know that in that time God is working and take comfort in the fact that there are people out there who love you and are praying for you daily as you go through this journey.
I think it's super cool that God is working in you in this way.Just know that people are watching and are amazed at how you're reflecting the grace and light of God back onto us as you are in the midst of all of this.
You guys rock!! Love ya
Thanks to everyone that commented. This has been a very tough, but rewarding time for me. Just when I start to feel down or depressed, I think about how blessed I am to have this opportunity. It's funny, if this had happened years ago, before I had been so successful, it probably wouldn't be any big deal. I think it's the feeling of accomplishment...then all of a sudden it goes away. What really hit home with me was just recently going to an event for one of the kids and I saw two people that I had done business with at the paper. All of a sudden I wasn't Kelly Burleson, Sponsorship Manager, but Kelly Burleson, Mom. Which is cool, but they treated me so different. I finally realized, their loss, my gain.
God is Good!
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