Finding Yourself

For the past 23 days, I've spent a lot of time figuring out what it is I want to do with my life, and honestly, who I am. I was extremely excited about the chance to stay home and spend more time with my family. After a couple of weeks, I started to realize I put a lot of my worth in what I do, instead of who I am. That's a weird feeling...to wake up every day and go into an office...an office full of people, and friends. I used to spend a lot of time talking and laughing (probably more than I should:), but it was good. I love where I am in my life. I feel closer to my husband than I ever have, and I spend good, quality time with our children. But there is still something tugging at me. Something that makes me feel like I'm not pulling my weight, or living up to my potential. I found myself being sad at times...then I go through the guilt of being sad because I am so thankful to have this opportunity.

THANK GOODNESS for my husband! He helps keep me grounded and loves me through it. He is so good at helping me understand that life isn't over...maybe I just took a break. We are still working our business from the house, but it's not the same. I'm a very driven person that is self motivated. I don't like waiting on others to tell me what to do. I feel that is what I have to do right now until I learn this industry a little better. Time...it just takes time. Which is another thing I'm not the best at, patience.

One thing I am doing is reading a lot more. I just read a great book, The Glass Castle. I would recommend it to anyone. It's kind of a tough read (true story), but it's good.

This change is going to be good for me. If nothing else, it will help me find myself, and hopefully help me understand my place in life. I do know this...the one thing my husband has helped me to learn is that I can't do any of it by myself. Only God can control those things/situations. It's up to me to let him.

~Let loose of what you can't control. Serenity will be yours~

Appreciation for Food

Yesterday we took a meal to a couple in our Life Group that had just had a baby. As I was taking the food over, I started to ponder how much we are blessed and that unlike the majority of the population of the earth - we know that our next meal is going to be provided. It reminded me of a few situations:

1. That not too long ago (probably about six years) I personally was in a situation where I really didn't know from where (or if) the next meal would come. Kelly and I talk often about feeling the responsibility (and pleasure) of God blessing us and giving us multiple ways to help people that may be in a situation that both of us have lived through in the past (Kelly raising two by herself). I not only do not ever want to lose appreciation for financial security, but want to pass on appreciation to the two younger kids (and grandson).

2. In paraphrase of my brother in a talk at Christmas (without many details because of lack of permission from him to post this): "We could live on PBJ sandwiches for the rest of our lives. Other people around the world would give most anything for that luxury".

3. Creating Margins was the name of the sermon last week at church. It fell under the series of "How to Be Rich". Idea being: as we make more money we usually just spend that growth. How great would it be to get creative and create margins for the sole purpose of GIVING MORE? That excites me. Maybe one of those margins could be a meal a week to someone that needs it.

4. In staying with the theme of food - I am VERY grateful for my wife's cooking abilities. She has taken some ribbing from family members in the past about her abilities but I have found over the past couple of months that the ribbing is unwarranted. She is a GREAT cook!! (Personal confession: our deal is that if she cooks then I clean - therefore when we don't have the kiddos, I tend to try to sway towards eating out. After this post Kelly will know that it is solely because I do not want to CLEAN!!)

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Kelly has asked me to post more often. Not sure that any of this is "deep" enough to share, but am willing to stay in good graces with my wife at the risk of sounding silly. (Nothing like pressure)

BB

Rainy Day

It is Saturday at noon. Brett and the two little kids have headed to Randy's M&M to pick out movies and new games for the Wii. As much as I like warm days where we can all do things outside, I think I like rainy days just as much. It forces us to stay inside and do things as a family. We have had so much fun this morning playing with the kids. Not to mention all the things I get done around the house! I've already washed all the sheets, cleaned the medicine cabinet and cleaned out JB's toy box. If it keeps this up, I'll have the house repainted! Sometimes I wish I could just sit back, relax and do nothing. But just when I think that, my mind starts racing about all the things I need to do. Poor Brett, I think I make him tired :)

~Keep on going and the chances are you will stumble on something, perhaps when you are least expecting it. I have never heard of anyone stumbling on something sitting down~
Charles F. Kettering

Lucky

For those of you who know me, you know it is difficult for me to accept gifts. Not sure why, but I have always had a problem when people do things for me. Yesterday was Valentine's Day, and my husband went to great lengths to make it special for me. He rented a limo, made reservations at Mantle's in Bricktown, and kept it all a secret until the limo arrived. Well, of course my first response was, why did you do this? Then I realized how unappreciative that must seem.

I am one of the luckiest people in the world. I have a wonderful, loving, giving husband who "wants" to do things for me. Wow...that seems weird to me. I never knew people "actually" wanted to do things for you?? I always thought they did things to get something in return, or out of guilt. I'm learning there's a whole new world out there. I'm a slow learner, but I'm getting there.

For those of you that don't have someone that "wants" to do something for you,it's a good feeling. I feel very blessed to have a husband like mine.

KB

Life Is Good

Well, I survived my first full week off work. Last week was interesting, and looking back, almost comical. I had Sierra, Pierce and Hudson all week. I spent most of the week, transporting kids to school, going to book fairs, open house, and oh, did I mention, Brett was in Nashville at a conference. I think it was good because it prepared me for anything I might have to deal with in the future. I'm ready!

This week is a little slower. I will be researching and reading a lot about our new business. I will also spend the time getting things in order (boxes from my old office). I'm looking forward to a little down time this week, but have to say, no matter how hectic it was last week, I feel a sense of peace about my decision. I have the type of personality that if I am going to do anything, it is going to be 110%. I didn't feel like I could do that in my old job. Something was going to be neglected...either my family or my job. Staying home will help me with that balance. I already see a difference because I'm not constantly worried about what I need to do on Monday. It feels good to relax a little and not always be stressed.

Life Is Good.

~The tragedy of life is not that it ends so soon, but that we wait so long to begin it~

New Chapter

Today starts a new chapter in my life. One I didn't think would happen this quickly, but now that it's here...I think I'm ready. Guess I better be :) I just resigned from an 18 year career. But the more I've thought about it, that was a great company, with good people, and it prepared me for this moment in my life. I've known people that stay in the same place forever and are too scared of change. Call it crazy, but I think change is good. It helps you really figure out who you are, and what you want to do with your life. My first day of work and it's almost 80 degrees outside. I'm enjoying my time with my little ones, and just relaxing. Next week, I'll probably be going fast and furious. This week, it's my time to sit back, get things in order, and get ready to jump in with both feet again.

~It takes a lot of courage to release the familiar and seemingly secure, to embrace the new. But there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful. There is more security in the adventurous and exciting, for in movement there is life, and in change there is power~ Alan Cohen

Friends

I have some of the best friends in the world! Last Friday was my last day at the paper after 18 years. I was dreading the day I had to walk out the door, but every one was so kind. Thursday they had a going away party for me and even made a life size "Wonder Woman" poster (of me) that everyone signed. They had a beautiful cake, and several speeches were made. Then Thursday evening, we had a get-together at Fox & Hound with people from work. It was great! I truly appreciate everything and it was a nice ending to a long career.

Next week is going to be a little weird. I'm not used to being idle, but knowing me, I'll be busier than ever.

Everyone needs to have that "core" group of friends...mine were there for me this past week. They made a time that I was dreading, a time I will always remember.

Not sure who looks at this blog, but if you were a part...THANK YOU!

~Truly great friends are hard to find, difficult to leave, and impossible to forget~

KB